Episode 1
keep this confidental man....this broad wants to come over so i can bang her....but she lives about an hour away....and my roommates are in the other room watching tube...my room is adjacent to living room...back story-and she is a screamer...no Dr Love i mean like a fuckin banshee screamer...and not when she's comin but throughout the whole stabbing....fucking drives me nuts...she needs to go on american idol..last time she was here my roommates said the turned down the sound on the TV and let everyone at the party have a listening party for the bangbang-....and i didn't want to disturb my roommates during their favorite show(24) so i didn't have her drive down here...now the question...should i be nominated for roomate of the year?
The Great American Roomate
I was once up for the prestigious roommate of the year award, but I had a fall from grace when I urinated into my roommates iced tea. I argued my case to the judges as it was a lesser offense than I had originally planned which was to urinate into an entire bottle of peppermint castile soap. I do think your case is nomination worthy. 24 is my favorite television show and I would hate to have it ruined by some broad screaming her brains out in the next room. If it were say “scrubs” I would just dvr it, but not 24. I knew a girl like that. My friends thought I was beating my cat downstairs until one of them realized that it was on rhythm. And really there is nothing that you can do about it. Apparently they seem to get offended if you ask them to shut the fuck up. So the solution is fuck her when nobody is home, and entertain the neighbors.
where the hell do i get trees in the tristate area?
Treehugger #9
As surprising a question as this is I would say go to a park. Central Park has lots of trees, natural foliage, and birds. However you can not take any of those trees home with you, remember nature is your friend, without him we couldn’t breathe. But this is a silly question and I bet you are talking about buying pot. And to that I will say, only you can prevent forest fires, only you.
Why cant i have anal sex? I seem to have problems with relaxing! No matter what i do or what form of lubricant I try, my butt just clenches up! What do i do?
Signed
Mamma said lock my ass!
I don’t believe that I am equipped to tackle this question. I only tried it once and the way that she screamed I thought that I was ripping her apart at first. It’s not such a great feeling to think that you are killing your partner. I would suggest maybe a warm lubricant, and thinking about happy thoughts. Perhaps you might want to try whistling, I mean it worked for snow white. And I’m sure snow white took it up the ass.
Me and this guy who i've had a crush on for a long long long time started hanging out and hookin up in august. We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, and we had a few discussions about it since we hung out all the time and sort of acted like boyfriend and girlfriend, even though we were not technically. After a while, I stopped initiating things in terms of sex (note that we never actually really did the deed) and we stopped hooking up completely. A week or so later, we had another talk and it ended with him being like "well i don't want a girlfriend right now, but i don't want to be just friends, but i see no other option cuz it's not fair to you to just keep you in this in-between/confusing position" to which i was like,
"well we don't hook up any more, so basically we ARE just friends already"
I thought that was the end of it. The usual "let's just be friends" bullshit where we'd hang out one or two times for old times sake and then never see each other again. Well i was wrong. He called me a few days later, but i was out of town. When i got back, we started hanging out again. At first it was like every few days. Now we hang out literally every day. We sleep in the same bed. We make dinner together. Honestly we haven't spent a night apart in about 12 days. BUT, we do not hook up at all. Oh and 2 weeks ago he told me he wants to move into my house (i have a room that is just up for rent). At first I thought he was kidding, but after he brought it up on 4 separate occasions, I realized he was completely serious. I said no way cuz i'd get jealous if he brought some girl home. His immediate response was "well then i won't bring girls home" and then he quickly said, alright nevermind, I didn't know that was how you felt and I don't want to put any unnecessary stress on your life." That hasn't been brought up since, but we are some sort of weird best friends.
what the hell is this shit??? Since when do guys hang out with girls 24/7 that they aren't into? Since when do people really want to be "just friends"? and what guy doesn't take ass when he can get it WITHOUT being someone's boyfriend? Or was he just not that into me to begin with?
I thought I knew what guys wanted, but apparently I was wrong.
I thought I knew what guys wanted to. I want sex, food, a little conversation and someone that I can fart in front of and will still love me. But the first thing on the list was sex. If you’ve never had sex with this guy, and now he sleeps in the same bed with you and doesn’t get busy my only guess is that he must be gay. I expect a lot of argument from the emo boys over this. But there has only been one instance where I have slept in the same bed with a girl I was attracted to and nothing happened. Of course things become different when you’ve been with someone for a lengthy period of time and then you always just share the bed. But you are in the early parts of the relationship. So it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And I’ve seen your pictures so if you are offering the ass and he isn’t taking it, there is only one logical conclusion.
Do you want some advice? Email me at lovedoctor9@gmail.com and I’ll answer your questions completely unprofessionally. Keep in mind that I am however a fucking genius…
The Great American Roomate
I was once up for the prestigious roommate of the year award, but I had a fall from grace when I urinated into my roommates iced tea. I argued my case to the judges as it was a lesser offense than I had originally planned which was to urinate into an entire bottle of peppermint castile soap. I do think your case is nomination worthy. 24 is my favorite television show and I would hate to have it ruined by some broad screaming her brains out in the next room. If it were say “scrubs” I would just dvr it, but not 24. I knew a girl like that. My friends thought I was beating my cat downstairs until one of them realized that it was on rhythm. And really there is nothing that you can do about it. Apparently they seem to get offended if you ask them to shut the fuck up. So the solution is fuck her when nobody is home, and entertain the neighbors.
where the hell do i get trees in the tristate area?
Treehugger #9
As surprising a question as this is I would say go to a park. Central Park has lots of trees, natural foliage, and birds. However you can not take any of those trees home with you, remember nature is your friend, without him we couldn’t breathe. But this is a silly question and I bet you are talking about buying pot. And to that I will say, only you can prevent forest fires, only you.
Why cant i have anal sex? I seem to have problems with relaxing! No matter what i do or what form of lubricant I try, my butt just clenches up! What do i do?
Signed
Mamma said lock my ass!
I don’t believe that I am equipped to tackle this question. I only tried it once and the way that she screamed I thought that I was ripping her apart at first. It’s not such a great feeling to think that you are killing your partner. I would suggest maybe a warm lubricant, and thinking about happy thoughts. Perhaps you might want to try whistling, I mean it worked for snow white. And I’m sure snow white took it up the ass.
Me and this guy who i've had a crush on for a long long long time started hanging out and hookin up in august. We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, and we had a few discussions about it since we hung out all the time and sort of acted like boyfriend and girlfriend, even though we were not technically. After a while, I stopped initiating things in terms of sex (note that we never actually really did the deed) and we stopped hooking up completely. A week or so later, we had another talk and it ended with him being like "well i don't want a girlfriend right now, but i don't want to be just friends, but i see no other option cuz it's not fair to you to just keep you in this in-between/confusing position" to which i was like,
"well we don't hook up any more, so basically we ARE just friends already"
I thought that was the end of it. The usual "let's just be friends" bullshit where we'd hang out one or two times for old times sake and then never see each other again. Well i was wrong. He called me a few days later, but i was out of town. When i got back, we started hanging out again. At first it was like every few days. Now we hang out literally every day. We sleep in the same bed. We make dinner together. Honestly we haven't spent a night apart in about 12 days. BUT, we do not hook up at all. Oh and 2 weeks ago he told me he wants to move into my house (i have a room that is just up for rent). At first I thought he was kidding, but after he brought it up on 4 separate occasions, I realized he was completely serious. I said no way cuz i'd get jealous if he brought some girl home. His immediate response was "well then i won't bring girls home" and then he quickly said, alright nevermind, I didn't know that was how you felt and I don't want to put any unnecessary stress on your life." That hasn't been brought up since, but we are some sort of weird best friends.
what the hell is this shit??? Since when do guys hang out with girls 24/7 that they aren't into? Since when do people really want to be "just friends"? and what guy doesn't take ass when he can get it WITHOUT being someone's boyfriend? Or was he just not that into me to begin with?
I thought I knew what guys wanted, but apparently I was wrong.
I thought I knew what guys wanted to. I want sex, food, a little conversation and someone that I can fart in front of and will still love me. But the first thing on the list was sex. If you’ve never had sex with this guy, and now he sleeps in the same bed with you and doesn’t get busy my only guess is that he must be gay. I expect a lot of argument from the emo boys over this. But there has only been one instance where I have slept in the same bed with a girl I was attracted to and nothing happened. Of course things become different when you’ve been with someone for a lengthy period of time and then you always just share the bed. But you are in the early parts of the relationship. So it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And I’ve seen your pictures so if you are offering the ass and he isn’t taking it, there is only one logical conclusion.
Do you want some advice? Email me at lovedoctor9@gmail.com and I’ll answer your questions completely unprofessionally. Keep in mind that I am however a fucking genius…
posted by roosevelt franklin @ 12:55 PM
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